surprise, sasuke!
by gallifrey calls now
Summary: It's Sasuke's birthday. Madara is feeling happy, so he gives Sasuke a gift. "You have a few hours to go back in time whenever you want to." Oneshot, crack. Orochimaru never knew what hit him.


Note: So it's gonna be July 23rd. Which means Sasuke's b-day! Which also means my b-day! Happy Birthday to me and Sasuke yay! (_I'm going ta Greeece!)_

It was July 23rd.

Yet again.

At eighteen years of life Sasuke didn't accomplish A LOT of things. Yes, his brother was dead but what good did that bring? Madara Uchiha was dead – but it was seriously Naruto's fault for that. He was a missing nin, and since when was that considered an accomplishment?

Sasuke Uchiha is a flop.

He usually got annoyed at the fact that his teammates didn't just get it and leave him alone because he just _doesn't want to return to Konoha period._

(When he said that for the first time, Naruto pounded his head into the concrete. He had Sakura heal him, if a bit hesitantly, considering the fact that he did abandon her on a bench)

Sasuke really hoped July 23 would be a good day.

However, to his shock (and Naruto's… and Kakashi's…. and Sakura's…) it WAS in fact a good day.

(oh joy.)

Well, yes, a ghostly Madara appeared out of nowhere (causing the other three members of Team 7 following him jump in surprise), but he suggested something rather… awesome.

Sasuke had a few hours at hand. He would be able to travel at whenever time he wished and do whatever he wanted! Including knocking sense in his younger self's head!

Also, he could bring two people with him.

Slowly, Naruto, Kakashi and Sakura walked out of the bushes.

"Heeeeey, Sasuke-teme!" Naruto greeted slowly. "Heeeeey, friend, what's up~?" he asked.

"Sasuke-kun," Sakura continued. "…we _missed you._"

Kakashi made a puppy-dog eye at him. "I would save Obito if you'd take me with you, Sasuke-kun!"

"You disturb me," Sasuke admitted to Kakashi, "sooooo…. Naruto, Sakura, come on."

Kakashi looked revolted. "BUT."

Sasuke smirked at him.

xXxXxXx

"So where we goin' first?" Naruto asked.

"Chuunin Exams," Sasuke replied. "I wanna give snake face a scare."

xXxXxXx:D

Orochimaru licked his lips. "Sasuke-kun… you're weak-"

Kunai whizzed past Orochimaru's ear, causing him to spin. "What the!" -

And promptly see Itachi Uchiha glaring down at him.

(Poor Sasuke was so shocked he fainted.)

"Oi, Orochimaru-" Itachi started, well, it was actually Sasuke, but Orochimaru didn't know that… "Take on someone your size."

Remembering the last time he faced the elder brother, Orochimaru fled.

xXxXxXxlolz

"That was fun," Sakura noted.

"While I impersonated my brother, what did YOU do?" Sasuke asked, raising an eyebrow.

Sakura smiled sweetly. "I told my future self the importance of kicking avengers between the legs."

Sasuke promptly paled.

"So where are we going next, teme?" Naruto asked.

"At the dango shop after the invasion," Sasuke said. "I wanna give my brother a visit."

xXxXxXxhahahaha

"Hey, Kakashi," older Sasuke said. Kakashi wrinkled his eye.

"Oh, hey Sasu—wait. You can't be Sasuke. Sasuke's twelve."

Older Sasuke snorted. "You will find that I can. Not only am I seventeen and OFFICIALLY OLDER THAN MY BROTHER!, I am also a time traveler."

Kakashi smiled again. "Oh. Ok then. Carry on."

"I think I'll just hang around here for a sec… after all, it's not like there ARE two S class criminals in the shop, right? " Sasuke asked sweetly.

Kakashi coughed. "Er… What rank are you?" he asked, changing the subject.

Sasuke thought. "Well, I could very well be Tokubetsu Jounin… but seeing as I never really retook the Chuunin Exams…"

"HE'S STILL A GENIN!" future Naruto yelled. Sasuke winced.

"So are you, dobe."

"Am I the only chuunin here?" Sakura asked.

"Sakura made chuunin and you two didn't?" Kakashi raised his eyebrows at Sasuke and Naruto.

"It's not like that, really – Naruto left for three years to train, I… er…. Was busy for three years—"

"Doing what?" Kakashi asked.

"Being Orochimaru's wh-" Sasuke slammed a punch on Naruto's head.

"Orochimaru's what?" 

"Do this again and I'll sic Manda on you. He loves foxes," Sasuke hissed in Naruto's ear. "Personal business. Sod off."

Kakashi looked confused for a second. "Well… how's the future?"

"Horrifying, dark, evil, Tobi, doom," Sasuke said immediately.

"I agree with Sasuke on this one," Sakura said, shuddering. "_Tobi."_

"Evil," Naruto agreed.

"Who's Tobi?" Kakashi asked.

"My great great great great great great great uncle," Sasuke said truthfully.

Kakashi looked dubious. "Your great great great great great great great uncle is Madara Uchiha, Sasuke."

"Yes," Sasuke said.

Kakashi didn't get it. "And if it is, then how-" 

"If you didn't get it the first time, you won't get it the tenth time."

"Well, I'm off to get some tea and dango," Sakura said, entering the restaurant, mindful of the speculative stares on her back coming from the two S rank criminals.

"Ooh, dango," Naruto said. "Not better than ramen, but good."

Sasuke punched him. "Idiot."

"I've been told."

xXxXxXxsnicker

"What next?"

"When you first saw Itachi."

"Oooh, I remember."

xXxXxXxgobbledegook

"You're coming with us," Itachi declared as Naruto was frightened enough.

"YEEHAW! NO HE'S NOT!" future Naruto said.

"Can I cut off his arms?" Kisame asked hopefully. He didn't receive an answer.

"ITACHIIII!" little Sasuke yelled out. "I HAVE— okay, what the hell?" he asked, seeing an older Naruto in a cowboy suit.

"Naruto… just… take it off…" future Sasuke said as he appeared too.

Naruto pouted. "BUT."

Sasuke made a few sounds and held hand up. "Take it off."

"Aw, fine."

"Hey, Itachi," Kisame said, "who are those kids? They look just like you!"

"I don't see how we look the same," Sasuke admitted. "I'm taller, my hair is DARK BLUE, not black, my eyes are DARK BLUE, not black, and I don't like to pretend I'm evil."

Itachi stiffened.

"I think you're my new hero," young Sasuke said.

"You know, it's a sad day when a kid thinks his future self is his own hero," Naruto said, still in the cowboy suit. He was ignored.

"Seriously, I don't think we look alike!" Sasuke burst out. "It's like Sai all over again!" 

"But Sai DID look a bit like you," Naruto insisted.

"Sai wears a BELLY SHIRT."

"So?" Naruto asked.

"Why are there two Sasukes?" Itachi spoke up.

"Because we rock the world," Sasuke sniffed. "And mainly because Naruto, Sakura and I were bored."

"Hear hear!" Sakura cheered, arriving from somewhere.

"Plus, Itachi is lean, he has black hair and eyes, and LIKES to pretend he's evil!" Sasuke continued his earlier discussion.

"No one cares, Sasuke," Sakura said gently, as if speaking to a baby. "He's your older brother."

Sasuke's eyes sparkled. "No he isn't! I'm OLDER! YESSS!"

Cue happy dance.

"How old is he?" Itachi asked Sakura.

"You're seventeen now, right?" Sakura asked.

"Yes," Itachi nodded. "My birthday was June 9."

"Well, in our timeline it's July 23. Sasuke's eighteenth birthday. So, really, he's older than you."

"Take that, Ice Bitch!" Sasuke cheered.

Itachi blinked. "Pardon?"

"Nicknames," Sakura whispered. "Don't ask. Oh, to why he's not killing you – Tobi told him EVERYTHING."

"Everything?"

"Everything."

"Damn."

xXxXxXx

"So how was it?" Kakashi asked grumpily as his ex students came back.

"Gorgeous," Sasuke said smugly. "Too bad you couldn't come."

Kakashi growled.

End

Okay, so I know that it's a few more days to Sasuke's –AND MINE! – birthday, but I won't have access to a computer so… Review please!


End file.
